I am disgusted and furious that I am having to even explain how inappropiate and insensitive to the children my soon to be ex is behaving. So far he is blantantly thumbing his nose at the law by not providing anything ordered like spousal support, part of my tax refund (he committed tax fraud) child support and most of all just not being attentive to his children and his negative impact on them. I wont go into it too specific... but he has been sleezing around with some young girl for about a year prior to this. He brings the children to the hotels, kisses, inapproprately touchs her infront of the kids and then forces them to lie to me about her. It pisses me off that he is such an imbecile to have no regard to the confusion and grief the whole divorce and mommy and daddy splitting has on the kids. They came home very upset and displaying extreme confusion and sadness why daddy is marrying someone and not mommy.They were scared to even discuss their feelings of being sad and definitely were reserved to even mention her because daddy told them they need to lie and he was going to come take them to live with him and their new mommy. I was furious to find out he use to do this frequently behind my back over this last year. Even brought her to our house and our room. This teaches children to disrepect me and is not morally or healthy to learn dysfunctional views of marriage and relationships. I do not want them to be further subjected to this behavior. I understand that someday they will see both of us with other people, but geez lets show a bit of common sense, consideration to their pain/grief let alone proper/healthy role modeling. Is there something I can do about this? Please keep in mind its not jealousy of him being with other women (he did this all throughout our marriage, so nothing new) but I left this dysfunctional marriage for a healthier enviornment for kids. He has 5 other days to whore around, I do not want the children being exposed to his sexcapades. 

I'm not in your situation but I did have a close friend that part of their agreement with the children was that they could not bring "boyfriends/girlfriends" around the kids at all. It was actually the father who had the problem and she wasn't suppose to have her boyfriend in the house with the kids or meeting up with him with the kids at ALL. I don't know what would have happened if she did but it was written in their parenting agreement. Maybe you could have something like that? Your ex sounds like a real jackass. Obviously he doesn't have his kids interest as a priority at all-I hope you fight for custody of the kids...maybe he needs supervised visits so things like that can't happen. 

You can ask the courts for immediate supervised visits to prevent this. Trip hart out of enumclaw is a great attorney in family law and pretty cheap. Second if you feel your children are in danger or suffering from emotional troubles from being around the bimbo then call cps into the picture and he can lose all visits. 

if he is going to play dirty then you will end up on top if you keep a clean conscience.

make all the time you have with your kids count. try not to explain his behavior to them... idk their ages... as it will not help them see a difference between you. they will just interpret it as you guys hate each other. if you can take the high road do so and they will see that even if it takes painful years.
show them what honor should look like.

cheezy i know, but model the right behavior to them, and surround yourself with others who do so. more is caught than taught. 

I have a large amount of disgust for him, but that is critical for me to not speak ill of their father in their presence. I almost puke when I have to put on my fake smile and get them all excited (from throwing a fit) to go see their father. Supervised visitations are highly difficult to get the court to order. Someone has to have money to pay to watch and typically in wa is reserved for those parents involved with state like cps. 

go on a platonic date if you want and send him a picture and say you can stop trying to make me jealous. idk.... if they're not being abused then he has the right to be a tool.
you can see if their school can provide counseling and tell them ahead of time it's a safe environment for them to talk and you don't get ratted out to, and maybe if the counselor sees that he's being a jerk s/he can help them see that as a neutral 3rd party. 

my husband's old next door neighbor had all sorts of cheating craziness too, and now he's married to a woman who is mean to his kids. so do keep an eye out. i'd go straight to law enforcement if i ever suspected abuse/neglect and not cps because i wouldn't go to a social worker if i suspected any other type of crime...
but you must have actual evidence... 

Supervised visitations aren't difficult to get at all especially with a lawyer. If you aren't comfortable and he is taking them to a dysfunctional enviroment then they will order them my mom had it done when i was 15 in washington, in king county. If the judge won't do it, which is highly unlikely then get a different judge. If your kids are a top priority you shouldn't have a problem asking the courts to order it. If you aren't working or limited income then you pay a small percentage and he pays the rest. 

I was in an almost the same situation with my ex. We were never married had my daughter at 18 and then we split. Being now her father is 23 still hasnt grown up and has had MANY girlfriends around my daughter. I still talk to her and ask what she has for dinner or who made it and she still says shes not allowed to tell me. I decided to go through court being from NYS and our court orders from 5 years ago stated she couldnt leave the county. So I am here in WA and her still in NY after 2 years of fighting it in court I had to end it because what it was putting my 6 year old through. I do still have FULL PRIMARY custody. So when we PCS to Drum I get to pick her up like I Was never gone. And he gets his every weekend until I go back to court now that shes in school.

My advice is to tell your children they can be open with you and its not okay to lie. Especially to mommy. Let them know its okay to tell them everything that goes on there even if it pisses you off. Just write it down with the dates and use in it court. In my experiance my daughter was so escited to tell the judge she wanted to not be with her dad anymore then when it came to it she got afraid.

DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

It will come in handy for you in the long run. And if you ask them questions try not to make the questions be specific. Open ended questions are best for kids. 

if they're not being abused then he has the right to be a tool.

Emotional abuse can sometimes cause more harm than physical abuse.

This woman must not have very good morals if she is playing along. I would be too embarrassed and ashamed to act like that in front of someone else's kids! 

#1 Get your kids to a counselor. That should be a first step. They need a safe person to talk to. If you live here, I can refer you to someone in the area.

#2 Stop asking about their dad, and what is going on. If they bring it up, talk about how things make them feel and try not to get emotional over the facts.
Be there for them. Don't put them in the middle. I found out that even asking what they did, and did they have fun, ect puts them in an awkward place and you aren't supposed to do it.


#3 Get a free consultation with a lawyer to see what you can do legally.

The hardest thing I have learned during my divorce is that I can not control the type of parent he is. They will grow up and see everything for the truth. In the mean time-you do the best parenting you can. 

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I have been through a similar situation with my ex and he was also forcing my kids to, not lie, but saying don't tell over and over to them. They would come home and be sad, quiet, act out, cry alot, etc. I didn't know until one of them starting peeing the bed and peeing his pants alot. I took him to a child psychologist because I knew something was very wrong. this was not his normal behavior. He eventually opened up to the child psychologist and told everything. Their dad was around many girls in front of them, had been drinking and doing drugs, and so much more. I literally thought I died just hearing it. I was so angry, as I am sure you are as well.

The only thing I can advise, is to go to a child advocate. Call Family Advocacy here on post if you are military. They can help you with resources to get you to who you need to speak to in order to assure that the kids well being is handled first. What he is doing in front of them is very harmful to them. They are too young to understand to the full extent of what divorce is, what it is going on, on top of all of the other shenanigans he is pulling. It's sad and pathetic!

Jane is a great contact there is Family Advocacy. She is simply awesome and has a heart of gold. 

I would not ask them about anything that happened either. This puts them in the middle and puts additional stress on them. 

This woman must not have very good morals if she is playing along. I would be too embarrassed and ashamed to act like that in front of someone else's kids!

Agreed! I wouldn't even bring men around my kids.That was just my feelings on confusing them, and not introducing them to strange men who I was not in a serious relationship with. 

I would not ask them about anything that happened either. This puts them in the middle and puts additional stress on them.

I definitely dont ask questions in trying to find out anything, (unfortunately I know too much and dont have much recourse) but I have tried to encourage them to express their feelings in hopes to reassure them. I definitely wouldnt bring any men in their lives if i was dating. I promised myself to be single for 2 yrs as obviously i need time to fix my severly damaged picker! 

:( I wish you and your kids the best luck ever. Sometimes these things can take a huge toll on them. It's hard enough understanding a divorce.