So I am thinking about my future
being a single working mom
HOW is it done?
Who takes your kids to school and picks them up after? What about half days?
I just can't imagine how anyone can be a mom AND work. I know it is possible. And i know I can do it, and it will be worth my freedom...but i just can't wrap my mind around how you do it.

Please tell me what your schedules are like! 

I'll write more on this later. But it can be done. It takes careful tedious planning. You would cry if you saw my schedule. I know I just did typing that. 

i couldnt do it because i raise my daughter, nobody else. im selfish like that.

but i know of single moms that go to work and school. they have help from family and friends, or a babysitter. 

Family, friends, neighbor, babysitter, after school child care like a day care center type enviorment which a lot of day care centers offer, before and after school care, and or camps.

My sister uses camps during summer, and before he daughter hit the age to stay home alone, she used before after school care.

Its hard, she was a single mom for awhile, and both her and her husband work full time, him odd hours late hours, and she has a 9-5.

So its hard ! If it wasnt for family shed be f*d. 

You find affordable trustable childcare. Maybe another spouse or single mom who understands your situation and therefore is honestly willing and capable of being flexible and caring for a cost you can afford.
You find a job that you will hopefully enjoy, making sure that it pays enough to cover the cost of your bills and childcare.
And most important, is you remember that what you are doing is what is best for you and your children so no matter how hard or exhausting it gets, it will pay off in the end. 

Im not a single mom, but my spouse and I are partially separated if it weren't for the fact that we still live in the same house.
I personally could not stand the thought of losing any more time with my daughter then I already have to going to school full-time at night and so I have a preschool in my home as my job. I watch 6 children 6am-5pm M-F so that I can be with my kids and then still have time for school in the evenings. The hope is that I will finish my Masters in Education next year and so the following year once my daughter starts school, I will start my career as well and only need occasional additional help when I have work obligations. 

Well, I raised my oldest alone through college and working full time. He is now almost 20 and I will be quite frank... its exhausting and you will be critical of your abilities to measure up to being a dual family unit of mom/dad/sport taxi/tutor/cook/maid. LOL... I think that is what really made me think about having to do it all over again with my tots now! I was young back then, and full of energy! It didn't exhaust me like now.... well honestly speaking not sure what was exhausting me... the kids or relationship, so will soon discover! We actually were very close and such an incredible bond grows when you make it through rough times together. It may just have been with me, but especially with boys and their mama. Something always stuck in my head, what I resemble in his mind, will be the woman that he will someday be married to. Which is true for all, we tend to seek the mate that resembles traits of our opposite parent. Friggin Scary! The dating and dual life sucks, as you definitely don't want to bring men in and out of their lives until you know its very serious. But no need to worry about that now! Enjoy your time being focused on you and being self sufficient and living without walking on eggshells! I was almost 22 when I had my oldest and was in college. I basically lived only him outside of college and work and that was unhealthy in hindsight. He depended on me for entertainment, friendship, as a confidant....(much to my disliking at times, somethings a mama doesnt want to know) Sure sounds healthy and good, but, he neglected to develop healthy relations outside of just me. Hes very introverted and shy now, still needs my reassurance (although he won't admit) on his decision making. I was reading a few earlier posts and it sounds like this divorce was well in the making almost 2 years ago! So I am certain you have emotionally detached and more then likely developed a routine of a single mother wo that title! Relax, your not in a contest, you will do great! I was raised in a very dysfunctional explosive family. My mom stayed "for us kids".. or finances...if she would have just asked... she would have received a resounding answer! Leave that @#$%#! It was very emotionally destructive to us and certainly manifests in our current and past choices of mates. (my brother and I) I am looking forward to developing a relationship with my children that is more emotional and deserving of the stable label. I think when you reflect back you were in a survival mode... so you reacted to your sons, did from obligation and emotionally was apathetic in most aspects of your life. I could be wrong, however its what most due to cope! I remember thinking to myself the other day, its very sad, I haven't even been able to develop a bond with my two youngest children who are 3 and 4 yet. I was surviving, living in a bubble, detached to just make it through another day. At the end of the day, never felt accomplished or passion, just knew tomorrow was going to be just like today and so life was on a time schedule 12P lunch, 1PM naps, Clean during naps, fold laundry, dust, vacuum. 3Pm kids up... and so on. ! My investment of my emotions that night, were purely dependent on whether I am fighting with HIM or tip toeing around all his shattered shells. I see a change in them already with him being gone for only 5 days. They are lifted, more child silly like ... happy , carefree. I love it! I am not sure if it was they felt a burden lifted directly or just not feeling my stress. I can't emphasize enough, ask for help, be sure you make a connection with other single mothers or even just other women! For some reason , mine was mainly single mothers as we were very supportive in helping each other through college and such and worked together with our class schedules.

I will admit though... the guilt of seeing a family unit at Christmas parties, parent conferences, sporting events etc... will cause that guilt to arise in your mind. What if.... Only if.... Forget about it! I seriously believe that most of us , all do the best of what we can at that time. MOST The first 3 months will be getting down the routine, establishing new boundaries and choirs if needed. etc, but what you were missing in your relationship with the hubby, you find in other areas of your life that will supercede anything he could muster up! I could go on and on... but will say dont stress, its kind of exciting in a way. A feeling of liberation and I can remember just acknowledging the sunshining or moutains or leaves falling because I was so overwhelmed with just making it through the day that all of life was just drifting by. Its interesting to watch how once the father is not living with you and the boys, how they will really try to step up and compete for the man of the house role. Any one else experience this? Its endearing yet something I should have nipped in the bud, as a man entered into the picture and we were marrying, the betrayal and jealousy and needing to compete will kick in with them and its stressful at times. I wish I would have listen to my son when he stated, I just don't like him... something is just not right with him! hes odd. Kids and dogs, a good sense for bad/good character. Well, thanks for asking such a question, I actually felt more excited as I talked! I made it through....and I can again. I feel it helped me to focus on the experienced and facts, not on feelings and fear. -Chryss 

Chryss-Thank you so much for your letter. He has been out of the house for 6 months now. I do see a BIG improvement in our life. (Unfortunetly he tries to cause daily stress in my life still. As soon as the divorce is final I am moving and won't have to deal with his nonsense).

BUT I am staying at home still. I have not started working and my schedule is already CRAZY! I just don't know how i'd fit work in!

MASC-i couldnt do it because i raise my daughter, nobody else. im selfish like that.
That is exactly how I feel! It does make it easier that my oldest is in school and that my youngest is 3. I think he is ready to start going to the child care preschool. I want to start him now on 3 days a week, for 3 hours. Wean him off (and me!) of being attached all the time. I just wish there was a job out there that let you work those hours. I just keep telling myself that by the time he is in full day care he will be almost 4, well 3 1/2. If he was a baby...uh yeah, that is probably why I am finally ready to leave now.