I need some help. My normally awesome 8 year old son has decided that it is time to rebel against EVERYTHING that I say. He suffers from severe ADHD & I know that his medication was the cause of some of his meltdowns, but we switched his meds so that is no longer an excuse. It seems that he is perfectly fine until we have to tell him No, at which time he has a complete meltdown.
My normal discipline method consists of time-out, being grounded, losing privileges/ toys, & writing lines. All of that is to no avail . As of yesterday, I was told that I am a terrible mother, he hates me, & Im stupid/ dumb/ & an @sshole. (Yea, I will admit that I popped him when he cursed at me)
I just have no idea what to do that will get it through his head that this is NOT acceptable. Hes never had this issue before, always been a respectable kid that listens. I realize that maybe its just him acting out since we just had twins, but his outbursts are not directed at the babies- only at me when he doesnt get his way.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to break him of this before I lose my mind??? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Ive asked the school counselor for help & suggestions, but he seems to think that everyday allow him play time (no matter what) but base it on time frame: average day he gets an hour playtime, if he has a meltdown when I tell him that playtime is over, the next day he only gets a half hour, but if he does what hes told then the following day he gets an hour & a half. So far, that is NOT working.
(Yea, I will admit that I popped him when he cursed at me)
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I wish I could help you, but I don't really know what to say. I have 2 kids w/ ADD that are not easy in many ways. They are not defiant and they've never cursed me out so I can't help you w/ that but the one thing that I can definitely advice is that don't give up. You can't pull it off 98% of the time, you have to discipline him and be on him 100%. I know people who struggle with great kids because of that. My oldest has always been a wonderful kid that is now a grown boy but ADD has made his life so difficult. He was diagnosed in kinder but did really great until about 7th grade. This last year he decided to stop taking medication so I supported his choice. It has made school almost impossible that I think the day he graduates I will finally be in peace. He is kind hearted and a lot of the time he doesn't mean to 'not do the right thing'. But his mind is all over the place so he makes choices and the consequences don't click until it's too late and it breaks my heart because I know him and he doesn't mean to. I fear for when he is an adult. My other ADD child is very easy going but I see a lot of patterns that I saw in my oldest and I am afraid because he is only 10 and I don't wanna have to struggle when I am in my late 40s!!! Hang in there and PLEASE know that you are not alone. I feel so misunderstood by a lot of people a lot of the time because of what I have to deal with so hang in there!
Thank you Sandra. It really is a struggle at times. My son was diagnosed with Speech & Language delays when he was 3 years old. At that time they said that he had a severe case of ADHD (the therapist actually thought he might be Autistic, but I dont think so & neither has any Dr that has seen him since- but you never know) Ive tried everything that I could to manage it, but finally attempted Medication when he was in 1st Grade. Ive always been very consistent with his discipline, he knows what happens & what is expected from him.
This behavior only started this year (within the last 2 months or so) so Im unsure if it is because we switched schools, added a new brother & sister in to our family, the friends that he has now, or what- but Im not going to allow it to continue. Hes better than this & I dont consider his ADHD as an excuse to be an unruly brat.
Gosh you are my hero! I hate people who say 'my kid does this__(enter some horrible behavior)__ because he has ADHD'. ADHD does not make your kid dumb, SORRY! Anyhoo, if someone suspects he is autistic then you should just have him evaluated. My son is autistic on paper, most people wouldn't suspect it just by looking at him, until you try to talk to him. It just takes him FOREVER to warm up to people, but once he knows you he looks at you and talks and plays but socially he doesn't pick up some cues. He was diagnosed at 8 so it was a little late, but it opened a wide door of opportunities at school and w/ therapies. He now gets ABA therapy every day his tutor comes here and it's been a savior for me because homework was always a punishment for me. You should talk to his pediatrician and have him see someone in the Developmental clinic which is the first step. Good luck!
CS I refuse to allow ADD to be the reason my oldest struggled in school. HE CHOSE NO MEDS THEREFORE THATS THE CONSEQUENCES! Most of his teachers dont even know he has it but on the report card theres often comments about easily distracted and talks at inappropriate times. Hes doing much better now with half of a class load so we are at the home stretch cause he graduates in June
Momoftwins, does he eat? My son's appetite is suppressed on his meds. This makes him really crabby at night when the med wears off. Make sure he is getting enough to eat, even if it's a carnation instant breakfast or a bowl of ice-cream.
Or your son might need to have his meds upped or changed all together.
[i]This behavior only started this year (within the last 2 months or so) so Im unsure if it is because we switched schools, added a new brother & sister in to our family, the friends that he has now, or what- but Im not going to allow it to continue. Hes better than this & I dont consider his ADHD as an excuse to be an unruly brat. [/i]
It sounds like he has had alot of adjusting to do lately. That is extra hard and takes a little longer for ADHD children to adjust too. YOU be his constant, keep doing what you are doing. He will come around. And if he doesn't in the next month then I would see a counselor. maybe something else is bothering him? Have you tried having a talk with him...either at a family meeting or in private? You might be surprised at what he has to say. Just don't take his behaviour personally (so very hard to do) and try to be calm and loving...while making him follow through with his consequences. It is draining, trust me I know. You do everything to make sure they are happy and then when they just throw it in your face it hurts and angers. Just know that deep down they do still love you!
My hubby was said to have adhd as a child but all the meds made him very violent and moody. They ended up taking him off the meds an putting him in sports which helped him. Now my brother was also adhd. I think it took 2 to 4 times adjusting his meds plus time to adjust to the meds. When they found the right dose for him. He was a completely different kid so much more will behaved. But also to my mom wouldn't use his adhd as a excuse for his behavior. To be honest it reminds of dealing with a baby got to go down a long list of thinngs to find out why the baby is crying. I remember what it was like with my brother. I don't know if anything I said helped but I will keep you and your son in my prayers for things to get easier for you and your son
when my daughter starts going nuts we go a week with no media and no sugar. no tv. no computer. no movies/games. no sweets of any kind. she turns into an angel. also lots of activity and outdoor time. it's hard with this weather though. i tell her that it's because i know how hard it is for her to be good and that i'm trying to help the best way i know how.